Emotion Regulation

egulating our emotions is a skill we can all learn. Sometimes we pick this skill up at a young age from the adult caregivers around us, or some of us might learn this as a skill in therapy when older. The experience of trauma, disorganised attachment, abuse or certain other factors may lead to a loss of this skill later in life as well, but once you have an awareness of your feeling states and how they are connected to situations or triggers around you and how they connect with thoughts, behaviours and bodily feelings, you can re-learn the skill of emotion regulation. There are some simple steps towards getting better at regulating your emotions. Observe your emotions: It sounds very easy, but observing your emotions non-judgmentally and then letting them go takes practice. When you experience an intense emotion, it may be tempting to run away from it. But that is not going to work forever. What might work is verbalising what you are feeling, making it tangible and less overwhelming, thus helping you understand it better. Writing down your emotions and reflecting on what triggered an emotional state may later help you process it too. Resist acting on your emotions: It may sound contradictory, but sometimes intense emotions can make you engage in behaviours that may not be the most helpful at the time, like the urge to shout at someone else when you are extremely angry. Some of these urges might feel powerful enough that you cannot help but act a certain way, however remember that you can learn to choose how to respond to emotions as well. Noting down situations triggers for emotions and then understanding what kind of actions those emotions lead to can help you choose at first which actions you want to continue to keep doing and which ones you want to modify. Physical regulation: When we are sleep-deprived or under the influence of substances, we are vulnerable to acting on intense emotions without realising the consequences. If you want to be able to regulate your emotions, you also need to have strategies to regulate how your body feels. Check whether you are getting enough or too much sleep, food and water. Be in control of substances and medications you use, and make sure you are getting enough rest or managing pain or illness well. Getting regular exercise that makes your body feel good and strong, and connecting with others in your support system can all help you feel more prepared to engage effectively in emotion regulation.